When Does Helping Become a Hindrance?

The lines of outreach are at times unclear as each person and circumstance is unique. For that reason, several loving Christians, with an earnest desire to serve, have sought my opinion on discerning between helping a loved one and hindering them by enabling a root problem. This crucial question encouraged me to seek the advice of my fellow outreach specialists in United States Ministries. Rich Cohrs, Manager of District and Congregational Relations, provided valuable insight.

"Would I help a family member who is facing a money crisis? The answer is 'Yes. I have and will continue to.' On the other hand, the answer is also 'No. I refuse and will continue to.' Let me explain.

"I have had children come to me and ask for money because of circumstances. I freely and gladly helped them with no promise or expectation of payback. I made a judgment call and decided I could afford it, and it would be beneficial to their well being, etc.

"I also have had the same children ask for money and I said no -- usually because I could not afford it or I knew the money would not help them stand on their own feet. In other words, I was allowing them to remain an independent child. Yes, it was a judgment call I made, but I made it.

"Now, as to motive, I try to follow my heavenly Father's lead. He gives me more than I need every day without judging the gift or my use of it. He gives me money if I tithe or not. He gives me daily food if I charge it on Visa or pay cash. He provides all I need and then some -- regardless of how I might squander His gifts. Hence, I will always try to help my children in the same way my Father provides for me -- freely and without judgment. When I do not give, it is not because I know they will squander the money; it is because they need to grow more self-sufficient.

"I hope to always err on the side of generosity -- to my family, my friends, my church, my neighbors -- even toward strangers. If I have it and they need it, chances are they will get it.

"Am I a doormat? On occasion. Is that wrong? I don't always see it as wrong.

"I have been surprised more than once by the generosity of a family member, friend, neighbor, or stranger, who helped me when I needed help. If I was keeping track, I'd venture a guess and say I have received far more than what I've given away.

"So, will I continue to give? Probably, but that is not a bad thing."


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REACH: Going Green for God

It's not too late to register for REACH, the young adult outreach conference being held July 17th and 18th in Greensboro, North Carolina!

REACH is a two-day conference that addresses the unique outreach challenges of people in their 20s and 30s by equipping them to effectively engage their community for Christ, and teaching them how to share the life-saving message of Jesus' love in a way that is natural and informed.

REACH 2009 takes an environmental tone, delving into the question of how Christians should view themselves in relation to the world around them. In-depth Bible studies provide a biblical foundation for why we should care about God's creation and inspire attendees to delight in it.

Special workshops will equip people to move from caring for creation to sharing the Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer of it with others and prepare them to answer objections to the faith that deal with creation and evolution. Speakers include LHM's very own Sarah Guldalian, Dr. Charles Arand of Concordia Seminary St. Louis and Reverend Steven Misch, Mission and Ministry Facilitator of the LCMS Texas District.

For more information or to register, visit http://www.lhm.org/reach/.


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Thought of the Day


"You can always give without loving, but you can never love without giving." - Amy Carmichael



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Tips for Sharing

· Do not give out of fear or obligation.

· Acknowledge that all you possess belongs to the Lord.

· Pray for His discernment on whether you should give in this specific situation and how.

· Obey His direction.

· Trust Him to bless you as a result.

· Give with a cheerful heart.

· Point to Him as the source of this provision.


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Prayer


Dear Heavenly Father, Thank you for giving us all that we possess. Neither our abilities, the jobs we have nor the things we own come from our own aptitude. You have blessed us incredibly with each and every gift - even more than we need. We are so grateful to You for every good gift as each comes from above. Please help us to be like You - with open arms and open hands - giving both our love and possessions freely. Help us not to give out of obligation or in fear but rather prompted by Your Spirit with a cheerful heart. Show us how to genuinely love each person You bring into our lives. Place Your love for them in our hearts so that we can do Your will. We thank you most of all for the most precious gift You gave us through Your Son. It is in Jesus' Name we pray, Amen.


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Web Resources


If you have questions about whether you are helping or hindering your child, specifically, gain further insight by listening to Woman to Woman Host Phyllis Wallace's interview with Allison Bottke, author of Setting Boundaries with Adult Children, at http://media.lhm.org/womantowoman/mp3s/090038.mp3.


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Next Issue...


Addressing Cultural Struggles


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