Follow-up Archive

May 18, 2005

Outreach in Times of Grief
by Rachel Kennell Mumme

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Think about a time when you have experienced grief. Perhaps it was the loss of a job; perhaps it was because of a move or relocation; maybe it was a painful divorce; maybe someone you dearly loved died suddenly or after a long illness. Whatever your particular struggle, there are often some common components to grief: sadness, anger, crying, guilt, moodiness, perhaps even depression. Sometimes these feelings come right away; sometimes they show up later and sometimes never at all.

Whatever your reaction, your life is never the same as it was before grief. For you and for those around you, this can be an extremely challenging time. With good intentions, you and they want the "old" you back, only now a "new" you is being formed.

In these times of grief, you may have heard some of the following phrases spoken: "Time heals all wounds," or "God won't give you more than you can handle," or "I know just how you feel-I remember when.". Such words, while typically uttered with care and concern, often leave the hearer with a gaping wound and no one to help the healing. Much of the well-intentioned comfort that is offered can be likened to putting a band-aid on an amputated limb! Band-aids have a purpose, but are not what's needed here.

"So, what?" you wonder? "Everyone grieves so differently, it's impossible to know how to help someone else, especially someone who isn't a Christian. I mean, I just don't know what people do in a hard time when they don't have faith." Let's ponder that: where does comfort come from for those outside of faith in Christ?

Grief is unique for each person and that recognition is a fantastic start to helping someone who is in the depths of it. Those who are grieving are often more open to looking beyond themselves for relief from that pain. They seek comfort in busyness, in unhealthy relationships, in addictions, and in other things. For most, true comfort does not come but is replaced by anger or abuse or bitterness. There is still something missing, something that will lead to the peace so desperately needed. What many suffering unbelievers don't yet recognize is that they are not searching for something, but for someone. And that someone is Jesus.

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