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Follow-up Archive
January 18, 2006
Connecting Women to Christ
By Janice Kerper Brauer
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Women come in all shapes and sizes. They have different
backgrounds—from stable, loving upbringings to
dysfunctional families. Women hold differing aspirations—to
marry and have children, to find success and satisfaction
through a career. Women experience different life situations;
they are married, single, divorced, cohabitating. Women
know different joys and different hurts. Yet there is
a common thread. Women long for meaningful relationships,
including a meaningful relationship with the One who
created them in His image (Genesis 1:26-27).
C.S. Lewis described the innate longing to know God
as “a secret thread, an ineffable suggestion,
an attraction or longing, something you were born desiring
and which, beneath the flux of other desires and in
all the momentary silences between the louder passions,
you are looking for, watching for, listening for”
(C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain). Not all women
are aware of this inner longing to know God, of course,
but that doesn’t negate the need. Scripture tells
us that knowing God through His Son is the key to life—both
now and in eternity (John 10:10, John 17:3).
So how can we help women recognize their deep need
for God? And how can we connect their inner yearnings
to the One who alone can save and satisfy?
Women are relationally wired; they want to connect
to people in meaningful ways. That’s why one-to-one
female relationships provide a natural setting for connecting
women to Christ. Your friendships with women are conduits
through which God can extend His love and grace. What
an exciting opportunity! Here are some tips for developing
relationships that meet women’s needs to connect
with others and with God.
TIPS
Listen and care. You may have heard that people
will not care how much we know until they know how much
we care. This is more than a clever phrase; it is true.
Jesus modeled listening and caring for women. Consider
His conversation with the Samaritan woman in John 4.
He initiated the interchange. He took the time to listen,
to interact. He helped her become aware of her spiritual
thirst. So be intentional about initiating relationships
with the women in your life. Keep your eyes open. Does
your friend look tired or frenzied? Keep your ears open.
Listen carefully to what your friend says and doesn’t
say that reveals the need of her heart.
Show that you are tuned in to her needs. Is
she overwhelmed by the daily challenge of caring for
an infant and two toddlers? Is she running ragged from
a demanding job? Is she just waiting for “Mr.
Right”? Is she lonely in her marriage? Is she
ill? Is she stressed out caring for aging parents? Let
her know you hear and understand. You need not have
had the same experiences as she to relate to her emotions.
We’ve all felt exhausted, overwhelmed, sad, or
anxious at times.
Serve. Once you have heard her heart-cry, do
something about it. Take care of that two-year-old for
an afternoon. Bring a meal so she can take a break from
the after-work rush of getting supper ready. Accompany
her to a doctor’s appointment. Share a helpful
book on marriage. Be a friend.
Follow the 3 Rs: Be respectful, be well-reasoned,
be real. When you spend time with your friend and show
you care by serving her in practical ways, your relationship
will grow. Then it’s natural that you will speak
about more personal matters. Remember, women want to
connect in meaningful ways; they want to talk about
things that matter most in life. As your conversations
deepen and spiritual topics come up, be respectful of
your friend’s perspective. She may believe things
that are quite outlandish, but when you show respect
you also open the door for sharing the truth about Jesus.
1 Peter 3:15 tells us, “Always be prepared to
give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the
reason for the hope that you have. But do this with
gentleness and respect.” Be well-reasoned when
you talk about your faith. Know from Scripture what
you believe and why. This doesn’t mean you need
to have all the answers, but you should be able to answer
basic questions about God, the Bible, the nature of
man, and the Savior. And be real. Share the struggles
in your life and in your faith journey.
Tell your story. Just as you listen and care
as your friend shares her heart with you, share your
heart with her. Tell her about what is most important
to you: your relationship with Jesus. Elisabeth Elliott,
wife of Christian martyr Jim Elliott, has been telling
the story of her husband’s life and death and
how she has dealt with it for nearly 50 years. Once
she questioned Corrie Ten Boom if she should keep telling
the same story over and over. Corrie wisely responded
that God’s reply to Elisabeth would likely be:
“This is the story I gave you. You tell that one”
(Elisabeth Elliott, Through Gates of Splendor, 25th
anniversary edition). You, too, have a story all your
own of what God has done in your life. Tell your story.
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