So you fell in love with each other, got engaged, planned
the most perfect wedding, said, "I do," and enjoyed
a romantic honeymoon with the one you love. But a year later
you're asking yourself, "Where's the romance now? Is
the honeymoon over?"
Do you feel like you've traded in romance for the everyday
conflict or bickering, and a spouse who doesn't seem to
care about what you need or want?
Many of us turn to books on relationship healing, or quizzes
on love, expectations or relationship satisfaction. Some
investigate the Top 10's of marriage mistakes and romance
failures, or maybe even inquire what's in the stars from
a "psychic". My guess it that the majority of
couples have their eyes and ears glued to the television
as Dr. Phil McGraw amazes the audience with his profound
knowledge on how to build a perfect relationship on The
Oprah Show. But does absorbing all the information you can
find about how to fix your marriage automatically make your
relationship a comfortable place once again? Not really.
When you find yourself in an argument with your spouse,
it's usually about something he or she did or didn't do,
or even said that has caused the conflict. And it's usually
a problem that has been discussed many times before. But
the problem is not the other person, but rather the relationship.
Communication breaks down; fingers start pointing and the
partnership that once used the word "we" has now
turned into two individuals using the word "ME."
At this point, you are more interested in defending yourself
than working together. However, it's the "we"
that controls the mood, and once you can reestablish yourselves
as allies, the better you'll be able to weather the storms
that attempt to destroy your marriage.
The "we" didn't just appear when you vowed your
love to each other on your wedding day. Instead, it needs
to be built and constructed like a house, with a solid foundation,
strong materials and a balance designed. The "we"
is built on four pillars. Each pillar must be gradually
built, and all four must stay balanced. The four pillars
of the We are:
Intellectual (good communication)
Emotional (a safe place to control the mood)
Physical (familiarity and respect)
Spiritual (commitment and trust)
Each pillar deserves an equal amount of material and work
to make it strong and secure, because they all work together
to form a powerful WE. Remember to go to your heart, where
Jesus lives, and ask yourself what's really important to
you: your hurt feelings or your relationship? Ask God to
help you be more like Jesus and love selflessly and forgive.
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit,
but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Each of you should look not only to your own interests,
but also to the interests of others," Philippians 2:3-4.
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