Renew the Romance in Your Marriage

So you fell in love with each other, got engaged, planned the most perfect wedding, said, "I do," and enjoyed a romantic honeymoon with the one you love. But a year later you're asking yourself, "Where's the romance now? Is the honeymoon over?"

Do you feel like you've traded in romance for the everyday conflict or bickering, and a spouse who doesn't seem to care about what you need or want?

Many of us turn to books on relationship healing, or quizzes on love, expectations or relationship satisfaction. Some investigate the Top 10's of marriage mistakes and romance failures, or maybe even inquire what's in the stars from a "psychic". My guess it that the majority of couples have their eyes and ears glued to the television as Dr. Phil McGraw amazes the audience with his profound knowledge on how to build a perfect relationship on The Oprah Show. But does absorbing all the information you can find about how to fix your marriage automatically make your relationship a comfortable place once again? Not really.

When you find yourself in an argument with your spouse, it's usually about something he or she did or didn't do, or even said that has caused the conflict. And it's usually a problem that has been discussed many times before. But the problem is not the other person, but rather the relationship. Communication breaks down; fingers start pointing and the partnership that once used the word "we" has now turned into two individuals using the word "ME." At this point, you are more interested in defending yourself than working together. However, it's the "we" that controls the mood, and once you can reestablish yourselves as allies, the better you'll be able to weather the storms that attempt to destroy your marriage.

The "we" didn't just appear when you vowed your love to each other on your wedding day. Instead, it needs to be built and constructed like a house, with a solid foundation, strong materials and a balance designed. The "we" is built on four pillars. Each pillar must be gradually built, and all four must stay balanced. The four pillars of the We are:

Intellectual (good communication)
Emotional (a safe place to control the mood)
Physical (familiarity and respect)
Spiritual (commitment and trust)

Each pillar deserves an equal amount of material and work to make it strong and secure, because they all work together to form a powerful WE. Remember to go to your heart, where Jesus lives, and ask yourself what's really important to you: your hurt feelings or your relationship? Ask God to help you be more like Jesus and love selflessly and forgive. "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others," Philippians 2:3-4.

Learn how you can make your relationship a comfortable place to be yourself and to share intimacy, love, and affection with your spouse.

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