These are all examples of dependency disorders. Some
of us may have family members or close friends who have
an addictive behavior such as the ones listed above. If
you find yourself overpowered with concern about the other
person's well being, then you might be suffering from
co-dependency.
Co-dependency is the act of making someone else the center
of our thoughts and behavior. Usually the co-dependent
person has an unhealthy preoccupation with trying to control
the person's addiction by "hiding the bottles of
liquor" or "cutting up credit cards". Another
behavior of the co-dependent is making excuses for the
person.
You may be wondering "what is so wrong with helping
someone I love?" Unfortunately, when you become engrossed
in the needs of others, you begin to lose your own identity
and develop a false sense of security and self-worth.
Here are some other repercussions you, as a co-dependent,
may experience when constantly helping an addict:
Loss of ability to acknowledge and express your feelings
because it hurts too much.
Have a fear of abandonment to the extent of staying
in poor relationships to avoid being alone.
Low self-esteem - Judging yourself harshly and feel
like nothing you do is good enough.
Find it hard to stand up for yourself and fear personal
criticism.
GUILT - Giving in to others' demands and apologizing
constantly.
Although you may be aware of what is happening to you,
the point still remains that you only want to "fix"
or help the addict overcome his or her addiction. However,
you CAN'T make the addiction go away, only the addict
can. One thing you CAN do for the addict is to allow him/her
to experience the consequences of their poor choices so
they can learn to believe in their own power without being
rescued all the time. YOU may not be able to help them
but you can help yourself. How?
Start accepting yourself for the way you are and believe
in yourself.
Start making some decisions on your own and without
the aid of others.
Experience something new and have fun doing it!
Learn how to love yourself again by kicking old habits
and finding your life dreams.
Most importantly, try talking to God about what's on
your mind. It was God who sent Jesus to face all the temptations
that you face everyday. However, Jesus prevailed against
sin and broke its power to enslave you. He promises to
change, from the inside out, everyone who believes in
him and asks him. Trust that God will offer a way out
of your anguish and into a life of hope for both you and
the addict. God loves both of you and is with you - reaching
out to help you while you go through this painful time.
If
you would
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FREE booklet, "Out
of the
Shadows:
When Someone
You Love
Has an
Addiction"
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Information presented was derived from the Baptist Hospital
East Behavioral Health website.
